37 Weeks

At times, I think I'm the most uncomfortable pregnant woman to walk this earth.  Then I remind myself that I'm likely not.  However, my body is hurting, aching.  My skin is stretching and the skin on my stomach literally hurts from it.  Augusta pokes her little feet (or whatever) out and I can see it and see it move and feel it, and although it's cute and sweet, and extremely facinating, it hurts.

I can't walk without waddling, like a lot.  I can't get up and down easily.  If I sit on the floor, I actually need help to get up.  I can't fit in much of my clothes.  And on top of it all, I came down with a cold and I am entirely congested and then the drainage makes me cough.  It's annoying, and it prevents me from having a good night's sleep, which I really feel is needed lately.

I have been extremely emotional and when I told my doctor about it (and then started crying...again), she said it's likely due to a lack of sleep and she told me to take some Benadryl and try to get some rest.

Last week we received an email from the daycare we planned on switching Farrah to in the fall that they had an opening for her for these next two weeks.  With so very much hesitation on my part, we decided it was a good choice to go ahead and switch Farrah.  The perks:  Katie wouldn't have to take Farrah for the last remaining four trips and the stress that entails with Farrah's emotions and extra stuff to carry and leaving the car seat at the daycare, I would save myself three trips from Auxvasse in the evenings, it would save us $30 (it ended up being $10 after paying an enrollment fee), and it would give us a good trial run of how we felt and how Farrah handled the new daycare.

I'm not sure how to say this, but I felt like this transition was one of the hardest I have ever had to encounter.  I struggled severely with it.  Firstly, within one day, I had to let Farrah's current daycare know that the following day would be her last.  I sent and received several kindhearted messages about their care, and about their thoughts on Farrah.  The next day (her last day), was made special by Ms. Miah.  It started with peanut and peanut butter M&M's, all her friends and teachers made her a 'We'll miss you' card, Ms. Miah fixed her hair beautifully, and she sent me several beautiful photos of Farrah and of Farrah with her friends.  I cried throughout the day, and I cried when I picked her up and took all of her remaining items home from there, when Farrah saw her name tag removed from her mail drawer and asked me to put it back on, and when Ms. Marina was telling us bye.  I couldn't even speak.  I hid behind my sunglasses and did all that I could to not let Farrah see that there was any sadness related to this change.

Other recent pics from daycare...

I thought that was going to be the hardest part, but it wasn't.  On Monday, I decided to swing by Farrah's new daycare to have her meet her teachers and to pick up the required paperwork.  We showed up at lunchtime and all the kids were friendly and told Farrah hi!  Farrah stood as close to me as she could.  Then we went upstairs to look at her room and surroundings and talk a little with her new teacher, and I had the hardest time.  I was saddened by things like her not having a cubby yet, the stark difference from the environment we were used to, the completely different classroom set up, etc.  I was worried for Farrah to notice these differences and feel uncomfortable. 

However, I learned so much by watching her, which is what probably hurt me the most.

She's always been our fearful, timid child.  She clings on to me and never wants to let go.  This day, she was braver than I was.  She was completely and utterly trusting.  Trusting in me, trusting in this change, and trusting in her daycare and providers.  She didn't judge all the little things like I was doing.  She was simply living in the moment. 

She saw a toy purple castle while we were standing there and asked if she could play with it.  I asked her teacher if there were some little dolls that go with it, and her teacher dug around in a plastic box and couldn't find any.  Instead, she gave Farrah two My Little Ponies along with three zoo animals which included a tiger, bear, and a kangaroo.  I was disappointed for her in that moment that the pretty purple castle didn't have the correct inhabitants, but I watched Farrah play with those items just like they belonged there.  (It bothered me so badly that I bought three little princess dolls that evening for her to take with her to play with in the castle!)

Farrah showed me complete versatility.  She showed me acceptance.  She showed me a side of her that was new to me and a little scary to me.

When I dropped her off on her first day, kids were chanting her name cheerfully.  We took her items to her cubby upstairs that now had her name written on a purple butterfly, I tried sitting with her at the breakfast table but she didn't want to eat, I showed her the playground outside, and then Kirsten (the director) asked if she wanted to wave to me out the window (which is what we always did at "Abe Charley's) so she agreed to it. 

Kirsten sent two photos throughout the morning of Farrah and said she stopped crying as I left and was introduced to all her new friends.  And when I picked Farrah up, I watched her playing by herself in the rocks on the playground.  But when she saw me, she didn't really act like it was any different day.  She didn't have a lot of answers to my millions of questions.  Ms. Crystal (her teacher) said she was wonderful and that she didn't act like it was her first day at all, but that she joined right in with all the activities and did wonderfully.

And a photo from her second day...

I'm proud of Farrah and worried about her, too.  I know I am filled with 37-week pregnancy emotions, but parenting has shown me some of the harder emotions lately.  It's a beautiful journey, but one that continues to build me in ways I wasn't prepared for.

As far as pregnancy, at my 37 week appointment I weighed 148 lbs and my blood pressure was 102/60.  The baby's heart rate was 150.  I was feeling some lower dull back pains and the usual Braxton Hicks, but my cervix was still closed with no progression toward labor.  Today, we have 12 more days until we get to meet Augusta.  I was reminded by Amanda to enjoy these last days because it's tough when they get here as she is full of exhaustion a month after Heidi was born.  I'm really hoping Augusta is an easy baby and that I will be a better, more at-ease mother to her, and that we will easily transition into this new phase we are about to be in.

I can't wait to cuddle tightly next to Keane, to hold and rock and play with Farrah more easily, to get some exercise, and to lick the brownie batter and cookie dough.  Oh, and especially to have a nice cold beer...and having 10 weeks off work to spend with my family, in the sunshine, making memories, and honing in on peace and laughter and true contentment in life.  I'm really ready to see Farrah develop a bond with Augusta, and to know for myself how possible it is to love another child, and to still show Farrah how much I love her.

Fear and Wonderment

I am merely weeks away from meeting my second daughter.  It's really, really surreal to me.  Surreal as in...I actually still don't believe it.  This babe moves so much inside me.  So much more than her (breech) sister did.  She reminds me so very obviously and visibly that she's right there, big and strong enough to move my stomach, and I still don't know what she looks like or what it will feel like to hold her and to look at her.  I feel full of readiness.  Ready to get to know her and get to the stages of wonderment that I hear from moms having their second child, especially their second daughters.  I feel ready to be able to move without aching and to feel like myself again and not a modified, tender, and tired version of myself.

But I am also filled with guilt...and then guilt for feeling that way.  I hope that's normal.  I hope I'm not feeling fear when everyone else in this position feels nothing but pure excitement and anticipation.  I want this experience to be full of nothing but joy.  I pray that it is.

I feel guilty for how excited I was to meet Farrah and to hold her and love her, and with Augusta, I am hesitant to give my heart to another when I love Farrah so deeply and wholeheartedly.  I know it's possible to love more.  Keane tells the kids all the time that love doesn't divide, it multiples.  I know my parents love me and my brother even though I was born second and him third, while they surely loved Kimberly with all their hearts before we arrived.  I know Keane loves Kylie and Farrah even though they are not his firstborn.  Yet I can't imagine it, so I'm just waiting for the "I told you so's" and the ease of it all that is promised by those before me.

A family member just told me that once I get Farrah past us not doing everything with or for her and focus attention on her being a helpful big sister, it's the best thing watching siblings together; that it is seriously the best thing in the world.  I really want that.  I want that for Farrah.  I want that for me.  I want that for Augusta.

I hope there's not a huge ripple in our family dynamic.  I've heard there is less of that with the second child - not quite like the huge change the first child brings.

36 Weeks!

Baseball practices and tournaments, softball practices, doctor appointments, new job, toddler and teenage care, after school events, pick ups, drop offs, trying to start veggies by seed, dogs who keep running away to the neighbors, housework...each day is filled with schedules and tasks and busyness.

I have been having weekly doctor appointments since 34 weeks.  At my 34 week appointment, I weighed in at 145 lbs (weight gain of 25 lbs) and my blood pressure was 124/76.  My mom went with me and Farrah since her and I are both off on Mondays now.  I shared with my doctor that the day before, I had my "bloody show."  She wasn't too alarmed; she said it could still regenerate itself, and that it didn't necessarily mean that I would go into labor.  She also shared that she thought the baby could be in a breech position determined by the location of the baby's heart beat.

I went for my 35 week appointment (at 35 weeks, 2 days), and weighed 146 lbs with my blood pressure at 122/80, which my mom said is a little high.  The baby's heart rate was 148 and my doctor listened to the heart beat just below my belly button.  She didn't seem concerned with anything and said that next week she will check my cervix and feel for a head...or not a head, and if that's the case, we'll do an ultrasound to find out what position the baby is in.




Then my 36 week appointment, I weighed 147.8 lbs and my blood pressure was 120/76.  The baby's heart rate was 140 bpm.  I asked my doctor what to do/expect if I was to go into labor before our scheduled C-section since a regular delivery isn't in our "plan," and she said to just get to the hospital so I could be monitored.  The fear is that there's the small chance that my previous C-section scar could rip, and so we wouldn't have to have a C-section right away, but I would need to be monitored.  She asked if I wanted her to check my cervix, and I did.  She said I was "closed" and that she felt the head down.  It's just a waiting game now...until May 14, or sooner if labor occurs.  She also informed me we will need to arrive at the hospital at 5:30am on May 14 for our scheduled C-section at 7:30am!  My doctor said Augusta is about 5 1/2 lbs and she expects her to be about the size Farrah was, between 6 and 7 lbs at birth!  Farrah drew and painted Dr. Morse a picture that morning and Dr. Morse was so grateful to receive the painting, saying that nobody brings her drawings anymore now that her daughters are grown up.  It was pretty cute.



We only have 20 more days until we meet Miss Augusta.  Last night I cleared out some toys from Farrah's room (to move to the playroom downstairs), moved the chest of drawers into her closet, and we moved her bed to another spot in the room.  Now there is a spot open for Augusta's crib once my parents put the satin clear coat on it.  I have some wall decor that needs to be rearranged/updated.  I've been buying diapers when I get the chance, trying to get a stockpile on them.  Keane, Farrah, and I visited our friends, the Strickers, this weekend and we borrowed 5 totes of first-year baby girl clothes!  I washed the newborn clothes and need to find a spot for them in the bedroom.  I also ordered her personalized crib sheets!

We are getting ready, and so is this little babe who moves so much!  Her big sister is getting ready too and talks a lot about checking on the baby and holding her and seeing if she's going to be a boy or a girl, ha!  

Update - 32 Weeks!

There is just so much going on in our lives currently.  And being pregnant through it all, I can truly hardly handle it...mentally and sometimes emotionally.

Big news - I got a new job!  I was contacted a couple weeks ago about the elementary secretary leaving at Community R6, our local school district where Keane graduated from and where Farrah and the new baby will go.  I applied and had an interview the following week on Wednesday.  On Thursday, I was offered the position!  I put my two-week notice in yesterday at my current position and I am trying to shift from part-time Office Manager at a family-owned local furniture store, to full-time Elementary Secretary.

The daycare near our home doesn't have any openings until summer/fall, so for now Farrah will remain at her current daycare.  We have a friend who thankfully agreed to help us out and take Farrah to the daycare two of the four days, and Keane will take her along with the big kids the other two mornings.  I will be able to pick them up after work each day.

My body aches very badly.  I have a maternity belt to wear and it seems to help, but some days I still hurt.  And lightning crotch...that's real and it's happening.  Rolling from side to side in bed is when it's at it's worst.  But also getting up from my chair at work and walking.  I have self-diagnosed myself with SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction).

At my last appointment (30 weeks, 5 days), I had gained a total of 21 lbs.  My blood pressure was 116/62 and the baby's heart rate was 138 bpm.  The C-section is set for 7:30 a.m. on May 14!  My doctor was going to be out for a week for spring break, so she scheduled me for 3 weeks out.  Then I had to reschedule for 4 days later since my new job has different availability, so I will be 34 weeks, 2 days at my next appointment!

 

 

The big kids painted a majority of the portion of the downstairs that we are painting grey this past weekend, and Keane and Kaden put in his bedroom ceiling fan!  Keane now will paint the trim work and install the outlets and switches.  Then we have to purchase the lights, vent covers, doors, knobs, and trim....then carpet...then we can get Kaden moved into his new room!  The rest of the to-do's will happen (and certainly happen by the end of this year), but we will postpone them accordingly - that includes tiling the mudroom floor, bathroom floor, and bathroom shower,  finishing the bathroom by installing a sink/counter, toilet, shower door, cabinet, putting wood floor in the office, and finally, purchasing furniture and a TV!

Less than 7 weeks until the new baby is here!  I woke Farrah up this morning and was holding her for a few minutes in the rocking chair.  Before she even opened her eyes, she asked, "Where's my new baby sister at?"  I told her that she's still safe in my belly.  Farrah then said, "Last time, she came out."  I think she had a dream about her new baby sister being born!  When we asked her about it a little later, Farrah said her sister was playing with her and her toys in her dream.

Farrah is growing and I love it all.  She is constantly asking if we want to play with her - play babies, Peppa Pig, play-dough, color, paint, etc.  Some of my favorite things she says are preety (pretty), tomollow (tomorrow), and exter (extra).

I was singing Picking Little White Flowers (Butterfly Kisses), to her before bed the other night and she will ad lib sometimes:

PINK = Farrah

Sweet sixteen today,

She's looking like her momma

A little more every day.  Me?

...

She asked me what I'm thinking,

And I said "I'm not sure,

I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."  I'm right here.

...

"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy, 

It's just about time.

Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy?

Daddy, don't cry."  *giggle* You a grown up!

She has one of the strongest personalities.  I feel like her conversations are very mature.  When I buy something when she's not around, she picks right up on it and will ask, "Was I with you?" 

Kylie sang in her first talent show at a high school fundraiser!  She sang "Traveling Soldier" by The Dixie Chicks.  It's a pretty song, but was very wordy and a step higher on the challenge level I'd say, especially for her first competitive singing.  She sang while Grant Wright played the guitar and did a great job.  Toward the very end of the song, her voice went dry and she looked toward us with a look of dread in her face, and after that she couldn't regain her composure.  Her voice started quivering, her shoulders dropped, and she did everything she could to get through the rest of the song.  She still did wonderful, and was so brave, even though she didn't get first place, the only place they gave.

Kaden has joined a traveling competitive baseball team this year, the Rookies.  They won their first tournament by winning four games last weekend.  It will be neat watching him on a good, talented team.  He played left field, which is different from him playing first base exclusively.  Our summer schedule if filling up with away tournaments, and we have yet to get Kylie's local league schedule to add to it all. 

 

As far as the new baby's name...drumroll, please...

 

Augusta Joy.  

Keane's grandfather was August and we both like that name for a boy, and we both also like the feminine version of it for our daughter.  The middle name is my mother's middle name.  A close second for a middle name is Violet - which is my mom's favorite color.  Farrah has named her baby dolls Augusta lately...I think she approves!

28 Weeks and a Date Set

Wow, wow, wow.  This pregnancy began as a shock that required some mental preparations, then it all soaked in, and now it's becoming very real.  I had my 28-week doctor's appointment yesterday and was informed I start going every 2 weeks now.  That means I have 5 more doctor's appointments before "New Baby" gets here!

I had my glucose test yesterday.  This is how my morning went: I reread the paperwork that said to drink the sugary drink quickly, within 10 minutes, and make note of the time when I completed it.  I needed my blood drawn in exactly 1 hour from that time.  I drank the drink on the way to drop the big kids off at school, and finished at 8:03 a.m.  On the way to Columbia, Farrah started coughing and it was a really bad cough.  All I had for her to drink was milk which was probably making it even worse.  I had been taking my time knowing I had about 20 extra minutes, but decided I would stop by Walmart to get her some cough medicine before proceeding to the doctor's office.

We grabbed the medicine off the shelf and was rushing to the check-out line when Farrah coughed so hard she threw up all over herself, the cart, and the floor.  The greeter lady was very kind and brought us over paper towels just as Farrah was throwing up a second time.  When I wiped off her hands and removed her coat, we went to quickly buy her a new outfit and water, and checked out.  By the time we walked into the office to get my blood drawn, it was 9:00 a.m.  I told the lady I lost all my spare time and they got me right in to get my blood drawn!

I then went to my doctor's visit.  I have gained 17.8 lbs and my blood pressure was pretty low for being so worked up from my hectic morning at 110/64.  I discussed with my doctor I have been feeling extremely exhausted and worn out.  My heart has been racing recently and I find myself out of breath even when I'm not doing anything.  We decided to increase my water intake and stop sleeping on my back which was putting too much pressure on my vena cava.  I also expressed to her aches and pains I've been having in my lower pelvic region.  She suggested I get a maternity belt so I ordered one on Amazon!

The baby's heart sounded strong at 154 bpm!  I asked if we could go ahead and get a C-section scheduled so we have it set for Monday, May 14 (5 days before my due date and one month exactly before Farrah's birthday)!  The time was not set yet before I left, but the nurse said they typically try to schedule it for 7:30 a.m. and sometimes they have a baby already by 8:00 a.m.!  I signed papers to have my tubes tied as well.  She wanted to make sure I was certain I didn't want any more babies and I reassured her we didn't want more than 4 kiddos!

After stopping at Lowe's and getting primer and paint for our downstairs, HyVee for some groceries, and Sonic for a quick lunch, we headed home and then to the farm to bottle feed some lambs.  I missed a call from the doctor's office and so I returned it to find out that my blood results were already back.  My glucose levels were good, but I found out I'm anemic and needed to start on iron supplements right away.  That explains all of my symptoms as of lately!  I picked up the prescription after picking up the big kids from school shortly after, and got started on them right away.

We may have a name...at least a new top choice.  I'm nervous to share it with too many people though.  It's different.  It's beautiful though, and it has meaning.  I'll share soon.