Love for my Fam

John Lennon said, There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. 


To have a family to love and who loves me is something that everybody deserves and something that I hold so dear to my heart.  I do not see my family often enough, and my parents and brother only live 13 minutes away.  I have to give props to my sister who does a great job taking weekends to travel back home and spend quality time with us all. 


My nephew is growing up and the way he knows me and loves me and calls me by my name is something that has rooted itself deep into my heart and I ache with love for him.


I have always dreamed of being a mother.  I assume that if someone asked me twenty years ago, "What do you want to be when you grow up, Little Kristi?"  I would answer, "A mom!"  (And maybe a teacher and a gymnast, too)  Being around a child who my sister has created, is raising, and is responsible for is truly such an amazing experience.  I cannot wait to be a mother to such a special gift.  To have someone call me "mom" and to run to me when life gets a little tricky or sticky -- I cannot imagine the joy it will bring to my life.


Kaden and Kylie are really wonderful children to be a stepmother to.  I love them and appreciate them and their child-like presence.  I enjoy teaching them and watching them grow.  They have a father who loves them unconditionally, and they also have a mother who loves them.  To be their stepmother always leaves me aching for children who love me in the same genuine manner that they do for their parents.  There really is something special about family.


Keane loves me for me and he does so as a choice and that is something so very special.  He notices instantly when I am not myself, and questions what is going on in my life.  He likes my company and is very complimentary and appreciative of the things I do.  And oh how good he is at making me laugh that deep laugh from within my soul.  I am thankful for a loving man in my life who loves me for me.


My little brother is growing up and although there is still a 13/15 age gap between him and his sisters, there is less of a gap the older he gets.  He is maturing, he is taller than we are, and we can have adult conversations with him.  He is an uncle to McCoy just as much as I am an aunt to him.  We are all equals in the family.


My parents are unchanging and reliable and understanding.  They are always there and are really good listeners.  Sometimes I am unsure whether they are not saying anything because they don't understand what I am trying to say, because they don't agree, or because they completely do get it, but either way, they make me feel important.  They have known every single step I've been through in life, the struggles and the joys, and they love me nonetheless.


And my sister.  She's something special.  We are two peas in a pod and she fills my heart to the brim.  And my laughter cup, and my understanding needs.  We complete each other's sentences because we just know.  I gave her Glennon Doyle Melton's book Carry On, Warrior, for her birthday (which I had to read before giving it to her) and she loved it just as much as I had hoped she would, if not more.  If you haven't read that book, you need to.  I told my sister I had never laughed so hard and felt so deep as I did while reading it.  She laughed/cried her entire way through it, not really knowing if she was laughing or crying.  It's a must read.


My heart is full with all the love that I have in my life, for the happiness that I have at hand that can sometimes be disguised as a busy schedule and a messy home, and for my future children who I have always dreamed about and who I will continue to pray for.  Honestly, I know that sometimes I am fearful to love so much.  And that pulls me back from life.  But then I read this:


There is no room in love for fear.  Well-formed love banishes fear.  Since fear is crippling, a fearful life -- fear of death, fear of judgment -- is one not yet fully formed in love.  We, though, are going to love -- love and be loved.  First we were loved, now we love.  He loved us first.
- 1 John 4:18-19

11/52

a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014, and a thoughtful response from each...


What would be the perfect date?



Kaden: A Girl that I could say something that's personal to.

Kylie: Hooters

Father/Daughter Dance

Keane and Kylie went to a country style father/daughter dance last Friday.  I know they had a great time, did some dancing, and Kylie enjoyed playing with her friends.  They had a big meal of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, and other country-style foods.  Keane said there was a lot of talk from the dads about drinking beer and chewing, ha!  We guessed that the convenience store would be busy after the dance!  Kylie did not want to leave, even though they left five minutes before the entire dance was over.

While they were dancing, Kaden and I had a date at a Mexican restaurant.  We also met my friend, Karla, and her daughter, Josi.  Kaden had a virgin strawberry daiquiri and loved it!  He also loved the queso dip.  Besides all the girl talk and wedding discussion, he seemed to enjoy his evening out with me.

10/52

a portrait of my children, once a week, every week, in 2014, and a thoughtful response from each...


Who is the kindest person you know? Why?



Kaden: Kylie, because she plays games with me.

Kylie: Riley, because sometimes we play my games and she plays with me and I play with her.

Wedding Planning - Coming Along

My sister came home a couple weeks ago and took our Engagement photos!  I could not be more excited about them.  You can see a sneak peak of them here.  Of course, though, as soon as we were ready to start taking the photos, it started raining!  You can read about that here.  We stood in the rain for a few shots near the lake, but quickly had to move to a barn for dryer conditions.  We were able to get some good pictures in Keane's grandparents' old barn, and some on the farm in a few sprinkles.  I think the weather will make the photos turn out perfect and one-of-a-kind!


We have almost asked all the wedding party to be invited. We have invited all but the groomsmen and best man, but everything for that is ready to be hand-delivered.  More on this one later, but I am very excited about them!


McCoy and Rylee were given cards and gifts (McCoy - Spiderman key and temporary tattoos, Rylee - decorative slap bracelets and a tutu).


My girls got bridal boxes and/or a card.  I filled the boxes up with photos and a card asking if they'll be in my wedding.

Now my very next and very important step is getting their outfits in order!  The guys will be wearing grey suits, and the girls will be wearing individualized dresses in different colors.  I ordered dress swatches for the girls this week, and will be picking out suits next Friday.

We have decided to have our reception at a hall in a town 25 minutes away, instead of having the reception at the lake.  This decision was made because it will be a lot less stress for us to not have to make the food, which we had originally planned on doing.  The particular hall we have chosen offers their catering service and has exceptional food choices!  We also won't have to worry about the weather conditions i.e. rain, strong winds, heat, bugs, etc.  We also won't have as much clean-up, and it will be easier for our guests to get on the road to head home afterwards.  This way, we will be able to spend our wedding night in a fancy hotel room rather than our very own bed.

The days are counting down -- 106 days left now.  Fifteen weekends from tomorrow, we will be wed!

Cardboard Cars & Little Boy Smiles

It's always a blast spending time with my nephew.  I had bought him a toy car key and once he got it, he was ready to go outdoors and play with his play car, but since it was too cold outside, we had to improvise and build him a cardboard box!  He tore up this car (sometimes, truck) by the end of the weekend, making every bit of it worth it!

My sister shared with me a few stories of McCoy taking care of her when she was sick last week.  He would get the juice from the refrigerator and bring it to her in the other room with his cup, so she wouldn't have to get up.  He also slid a kitchen chair to the counter, climbed up on the counter, and got his fruit snack pack out all by himself!  He would bring her his "Kristi" blanket multiple times to make her feel better.  Once he was sitting next to her and he was rubbing her back, and he started singing, "Rock-a-bye, baby..."  Isn't that the sweetest thing?  He even scooped up water in a cup and poured it on her back while she was in the bathtub.  These stories warm my heart and make me want to hug every precious two-year-old!

He loves to sing, pretend to drive, and wear his new tattoos that Aunt Kristi gave him.  He said a bad word the other day and Kimberly looked at him sternly, and he said, "My not say that word?"  He is such a smart toddler.  Kimberly asked him if he was good at daycare and he said, "No."  She asked him why not, and he said, "My ate Brylie's cookie."  At least he's honest!

It's always sad to say goodbye, but my sweet sister sent us photos of the two of them once they were on the road!  I love them with my whole heart!

Birchbox (Month Three)

It came in the mail last month, my third of three Birchboxes.  I've enjoyed how different the boxes are each time, but how excited I am each time I get home to receive my Birchbox of goodies.  Again, it's the very first thing I do when I walk inside -- open up my Birchbox!

My contents this time were:

1) Shampoo

2) Conditioner
3) Mascara
4) Perfume
5) Bath salts


I have added the perfume to the contents in my purse.  It's a perfect size, with a lid, as well.  As far as the shampoo, conditioner, bath salts, and mascara...I will be using them, sooner than later.  I, however, have a tendency to "preserve" beauty products that I love so well. 
I may try out the mascara, and use it for my wedding.  I may save the shampoo and conditioner for the next vacation (or possibly, my honeymoon), and the bath salts will be used as soon as I have the chance to take a half an hour from my busy schedule to soak in the warmth of my jet tub!


Farewell, Birchbox.  Until I decide to purchase you myself, or ask for your arrivals upon the next holiday, you will be missed by me and my mailbox.

Sneak Peak!

My sister photographer sent me a sneak peak of Keane and my engagement photos!  She sent me 10 of them and I tried to narrow those down, but that's next to impossible, because I love them all so much!


So I am sharing my sneak peak of our engagement photo session.  Keep checking back for the rest!