Farrah Oakley, you are one month old.
This makes me so happy and yet a little sad.
You are the sunshine in our lives.
You like being swaddled to sleep.
You smile often. I wish I could bottle them all up.
You poop as soon as you get a new diaper.
You would sleep all day laying on your daddy's chest.
You had your first tractor ride when your daddy drilled beans.
You love being in our Moby wrap.
You have real tears and they break my heart.
I told you yesterday that you will be one month old tomorrow and huge tears came to my eyes. I can't say that this month has flown by because I have savored every bit of it. I told you that I'm not ready for days to start going by faster; I want to stay right here in these moments, holding you, looking into your beautiful eyes.
Your dad calls you Farrah Oak-Leaf, and once called you Farrah Sunglasses. He looks at you and says, "She is just so perfect." "She looks SO cute," and "Farrah, you are beautiful." He really, really adores you. You fit so perfectly in his hands, and he holds you out and rocks you up and down. It calms you instantly.
Kaden is anxious to hold you when he hasn't seen you for a few days. He is very caring when you're crying and wants to give you lots of loving to calm you down. He always has you hold his finger and he takes pride in how hard you grasp it.
Kylie is everywhere you are and is always waiting with open arms to hold you. She likes to talk to you, lay down next to you, and help change your diapers. She likes when your arm seems to wrap around her and she calls it a "sister hug."
Because I've had a lot of time on my hands, I wrote weekly updates, so I will incorporate them into your monthly update.
One Week
Oh, the smiles and the snuggles. You weren't even supposed to be here yet, but I'm so glad you chose your own birthday, and you chose so well. A nurse at the hospital told me all the babies born over the weekend that you were born were from momma's waters breaking and she assuredly said it was because of the storm and the pressure system. This time maybe I can thank the rain, all the rain that we do not need right now. It rained every day we were in the hospital, but the sun was shining when you and I were released and went home.
You make so many adorable faces. You smile often, usually when you're sleeping. You tighten your lips like your daddy does when he's frustrated, you scowl, and you pucker your lips.
You are breastfeeding amazingly. The day we came home, my milk supply was coming in, and it was a rough couple of days, trying to release the milk so you could latch, and dealing with milk everywhere! We finally got it figured out somewhat, and you nurse about every 2 hours during the day and every 3 hours at night. I don't even have to wake you; you wake me almost on the dot for your feedings. Sometimes you sleep really well during the day and it takes awhile to wake you up, but it's so cute the faces you make during that time. Your daddy messages the sides of your back and you arch your back and stretch your little arms and elbows out.
Since you dropped weight in the hospital and were down to 6 lb, we had to follow-up with your pediatrician the day after we were released. You weighed the same that day, but since my milk had just come in, your doctor didn't make me supplement and instead made another weight check up appointment for the following week, and at that appointment, 6 days later, you had gained 8 oz!
A couple days after we got home, you got to meet your Grandma and Grandpa Brooks, and boy are they smitten with you. Grandma could and would hold you all day if she was able, and Grandpa was anxious to get his hands on you. We have your Grandma Brooks' bassinet next to our bed for you to sleep in. It has been slept in by many babies through the years, but it was brand new when your Grandma was brand new, so there is a lot of sentimental value there.
Two Weeks
You make this noise that sounds like a horse, like when they blow air from their nostrils. And I love it. You love to be held, and swaddled, and talked to. You wake up with the sun. You make a lot of grunting and eating noises, especially during your morning feeding when I would rather lay in bed, but you keep your daddy awake. I'll have to leave the room next week when he goes back at work.
You cry when you're hungry and when you have a dirty or wet diaper. You sure hate that. You love to wait for a brand new diaper to do your thing. We've gone through 3 packages of 40ish diapers on 2 weeks. That's a lot of little diapers. We got your newborn photos taken and you cried an awful lot. You sleep with your mouth open sometimes. Your daddy calls you Farrah Bug, because you are so darn tiny and little.
You are starting to move your little hands around more, especially when nursing, and I can tell that your cheeks are starting to fill out. Your siblings are in love with you. They always want to hold you and take a nap with you on the couch. We decided against using a pacifier and although there's been a few times I might have slightly considered breaking one out and offering it to you to calm you down, I didn't and I am glad we chose this route.
You love to be held and to be swaddled at night. I am finding that you "comfort eat" when you are out of your element. Your umbilical cord fell off toward the end of this week. I'm happy to have it gone for easier baths and diaper changes, and I'm proud of your first milestone!
Some day we will look back at photos of you and remember when you were an infant, but what I love is that right now, this infant you is the only you that we know.
Three Weeks
We have had some rough nights. Since you're used to being held during the day, you want the same at night. I'm pretty nervous to keep you in our bed with us, so I usually move to the couch. Since I'm so tired, I usually lay down to nurse you, but then I tend to fall asleep and although we sleep really well on the couch, I am certain you and I are not getting proper rest this way, nor the most efficient feedings During naps in the day with the lights on and the house awake and loud, you can sleep whenever and however and for any length of time. Maybe you are afraid of the dark, or you're aware that you're alone when it's quiet, or maybe you're hot. A couple of nights in a row you slept great swaddled in your swing, though. Usually you only sleep for 2 hours at a time.
You sleep all day, but you always wake up to nurse, right on schedule. When you're not eating or sleeping, it seems like you either cry or scream. Your dad finally, after a few times of threatening, laid you in your crib to "cry it out" because you wouldn't stop screaming, no matter how much he tried to calm you down. Please know how hard this was on your momma's heart. It literally made me feel ill. I couldn't eat, or hardly even talk. I could only cry and wait. It was a long 15 minutes. Your dad said I was being a momma bear. He ended up having to get you after those 15 minutes. He said he liked your determination though. Your scream makes me feel like you're unhappy or hurting. I have been doing belly messages my mom showed me how to do. I also do a lot of praying, and crying.
You absolutely love the Moby wrap your Aunt Kimberly gave to us. You are starting to grab things, like hair. I have been letting you have some tummy time on your play mat and you love it for a short time. You are still comfortably wearing newborn size diapers and clothes. At your 2 week well care appointment, you weighed 7 lbs. You're in the 12th percentile for weight, but your pediatrician isn't concerned as long as you are gaining. Oh, and I caught you sucking your thumb once! It was kind of cute, and I was glad to see you self-soothing yourself.
You aren't sure about baths at first but they sure calm you down afterwards. You love being swaddled in the fleece Halo sleep sack we got from the hospital. When you're awake, you require being held and talked to and sat up. You don't have a bedtime yet. We just keep you around with us until we go to bed, at which time I lay you down knowing I'll be waking up with you real soon.
Four Weeks
You are really grabbing things now and you have a great grip. You have had some really great days this week. I implemented a schedule called "Babywise" where you eat/wake/nap, in that order. I was finally to the point that nights were getting too rough. You wouldn't sleep in your crib, you were too loud to lay in the bassinet, and the swing keeps stopping which wakes you. The couch was starting to get uncomfortable and my back was really aching. The first day you were on this schedule, it was pure bliss. You would eat for about 30-45 minutes, stay awake for 15-30 minutes, and nap for 2 hours. At night I don't keep you awake, and you sleep for about 3 hours.
I am letting you cry it out when I lay you down to sleep, and you are only crying for about 5-8 minutes and then you fall asleep. You still have to be swaddled. That seems to be the only way you like to sleep.
I read something about how in a couple months some infant tendencies will be gone, like clenching your fists and crossing your eyes. I cried that evening when I saw your little fists clenched. I don't want those things to go away. I absolutely love these little things about you. I sing you a song before your naps and before bed (usually "Baby Don't You Cry"), and it's one of my favorite things to do now. You get so calm and wide-eyed and you stare right at me, and it's beautiful. I sang "Hush Little Baby" to you and although I have sung that song so many times in my life, it never meant what it meant when I first sang it to my own little girl. The significance of that song is huge. Because I would buy you a mocking bird, and if it didn't sing, I would buy you a diamond ring. If your diamond ring turned brass, I would buy you a looking glass. If that broke, I would buy you a billy goat. If that goat ran away, your mommy would love you anyway. Forever and ever.
Since we have started this schedule, I realize that for your entire first three weeks, you pretty much lived next to me. I wouldn't trade it for anything though, because I practically breathed you and studied every little thing about you. Now I miss you during your naps. At the same time, it's great having a little time to eat and shower and do normal human things like that. I look forward to your nightly feedings. I enjoy seeing you and being with you. Babywise doesn't suggest sleeping crutches like rocking baby to sleep, but this is one thing I enjoy doing some nights. I love that time with you.
I can tell you are filling out. You have little chubby cheeks now and sometimes I can't even see your lips when you nurse because your cheeks are in the way. You have little neck rolls, and chubbier thighs and arms. It's perfect. You still have the infant startle response where your arms flail out real quickly.
These are just some things for me to remember you just the way you are right now. But to sum it all up, you are perfect, beautiful, sweet, everything I could have hoped for, and more than I could have imagined.
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