2018 Resolutions: Simplicity, Joy & Contentment

New Year's Resolutions are always fun to me.  I think it started when I was young and my parents had me and my sister write ourselves letters to open and read the following New Year's Eve.  It's fun to look back on where I was emotionally and personally a year ago.

This year, my goals are pretty simple.  They are to simplify.  To say no more.  To be still.  To do less.  To have more simplicity.

It derived from the fact that I am always on the go.  I was proud that I could finally go and Farrah would happily tag along and look forward to our many adventures, our multiple trips to several stores, and planning our days to fit in all the errands we possibly could in order to still get to our final destination in time, usually picking up the big kids from school or sports.

Christmas season got the best of me because we didn't have a lot of gift ideas going into it, so we were last-minute searching for, ordering online, and picking up at stores gifts for one and all.  It has also been tremendously cold the last couple of weeks and it is painful to go anywhere.  Plus, I'm now almost 21 weeks pregnant, with a 2 1/2 year old talkative and needy toddler, as well as two pre-teens who we proudly have much more now than we used to.

Regardless, I am exhausted.  Therefore, I am making the changes that I can.  There will still be weekly, if not daily, necessary and inevitable trips to be made, especially while the kids are in school, but I am reducing the number of times that I run to Dollar General or Walmart or any other store to pick up a few things.  I am saying no to a lot of less important things that I was happy to say yes to previously, such as picking up donuts, saying hi to this friend or that friend, or whatever else I found to do.  I am cancelling our monthly P.A.T. meetings and I am simplifying.  I need more peace and solitude, at least for this season, and in preparation for the next.

I am meal planning and hoping to get groceries weekly or biweekly, and I am going to look into the grocery store pick-up options that I have been hearing about.  I am going to buy and spend less.  I am also not going to let this year's Christmas get the best of me.  I am going to plan ahead on all things upcoming (birthdays, holidays, vacation, baby, etc.), and keep myself sane.

I am going to hone in and embrace Simplicity, Joy, and Contentment.

Bring on this new year.

Now, to recap on how I did with last year's resolutions:


1. To Appear Like I Have My Sh*t Together - I think I did pretty good about that.  I don't feel like I'm falling apart each day and at every outing.  I've been able to bring less for Farrah, and I got my hair cut shorter and simpler, and my attire is quite small so I can easily choose an outfit that I'm satisfied with.

2. Fancy Up My Home - I have not tackled any projects that I had hoped to, although, a huge project has been undertook, beginning the day after Christmas -- our basement (or soon to be downstairs)!

3. Thoroughly Embrace Motherhood - I feel good about this.  Farrah wouldn't allow me to not embrace her every waking moment anyway, ha.

4. Master Anxiety - I still don't have any time to relax, so I've learned to manage or make-do, or take advantage when the big kids are there (which is more now than it was last year).  I ask them to help me more, and I do keep up with the laundry and dishes so I'm never feeling bogged down by the mundane chores.

5. Increase my Prayer Life (Possibly Build a War Room) - I pray the same as I always have.  I don't have a special room, or time set out to pray or be with Jesus, but I talk to him and pray to him often.

6. Tap Into My Inner Child - I sing loudly in the car with all the kids which makes them laugh, or dance at home.  I try to laugh a lot and sometimes sit and play with Farrah and her baby dolls and toys.  Keane and I went on a bike ride for our anniversary, and we went roller skating for McCoy's 6th birthday party!

7. Have At Least 6 Dates with My Husband - I doubt we have gone on 6 dates, sadly.  We have went on a couple, but usually we have at least Farrah with us.

8. Be Prepared for Holidays in Advance - I did decent until Christmas.  The big kids didn't have any requests and it was so hard to come up with ideas on my own for them or our families.  I. Need. To. Do. Better. At. This.

9. Improve Work Attire - In May, I got a new job with a business casual dress code, so I was able to decrease my work attire, honestly.  It's been nice.  I can dress up a little, or dress comfortably yet cute, and it is acceptable.

10. Focus on the Happy - I do the best I can.  This age of Farrah's has made me feel the most overwhelmed.  She talks, a lot, and wants, a lot.  She always wants someone to play with her, get her more milk, answer all her millions of questions, etc.  All the while, I am working part-time, cleaning the house, preparing meals, helping with the garden, helping (or simply joining) Keane on the farm when I can, doing all the pick-ups and drop-offs, running errands and grocery shopping, sometimes for Keane's parents as well, trying to keep up with the Brooks Farm finances, making sure everyone has clean clothes, bathing and feeding and dressing and entertaining Farrah, and still somewhat taking care of myself...and it all has become a lot.

I am happy and I think I exert happiness most of the time.  But when it's the end of the day and the family is asking that I bake cookies, sometimes I just want to hide away and tell them to never ask anything of me again.  I don't though, and I usually don't make the cookies that night either.  But I try to the next chance I get, or I'll make brownies instead.  I love my life and my family and I am so very thankful for all that we have.

Inevitable Change

Life definitely takes us on roads unimaginable.  There are certainly chapters of life that everyone experiences.  Change is inevitable, and it can be so good.  Yet, change is incredibly hard.  That may be why we remember our high school graduations so vividly.  The feeling of it all.  It may not be because we miss those days, but it's because it was during a time we were preparing for a huge change and shift of a life we had grown accustomed to.  It was time.  It was the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next.

Relationships, homes, locations, friends, jobs, clothing, furniture, styles -- certain things have a time and a place while you are growing and changing and finding yourself.

Then you enter adulthood and things become a little more steadfast.  You find a significant other to spend your life with.  You have children that change your life forever.  You build or buy a home that you intend to live in for a rather long time, if not forever.  You decide the lifestyle you want and you make choices and changes in order to make that happen.

I worked as a Legal Assistant and then Office Manager for a very well-established law firm for 5 1/2 years.  I learned a lot about the legal system, professionalization, and work ethics.  I became relied upon and respected in my position.  I was fully confident in any task thrown my way.

Since I started working there, my nephew was born, Keane and I got engaged, married, and had a child of our own, I went part-time, and recently Keane  decided to work on the family farm and say goodbye to his almost 10-year-term as an Engineering Manager at his latest employment.  Needless to say, a significant amount has changed since I began working there.  I grew so much and throughout that time and I met some wonderful people whom I will forever call friends.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity I was given to work there, the kindness my employer showed me, the people I met, the memories made, and the wonderful work environment that I considered my second home.  Saying goodbye was tough and was hard for me to comprehend and process.  I prayed about it and considered every aspect of the change.  With mine and Keane's goal being for me to work closer to home and to not have to commute two hours each (working) day by myself driving on the interstate and in the city, I believe this change was something I was supposed to do.

Rather than working an hour from home, I found a part-time opportunity 30 minutes from home, in the same community the big kids go to school and where Farrah's daycare is, as an Office Manager.  I believe I can handle the position effectively and I am hoping it suits the life change we have chosen.

Farewell to my position, my coworkers, my boss, my desk, and my time at The Copeland Law Firm.  It will all be missed.

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day bears some difficult feelings for me this year.  Perhaps this year more than most because it's during a time of anticipation and adjustments and frustration.  Maybe it is because I've settled into the mom-groove, yet Farrah is too young to acknowledge it.  I did, however, receive some awesome Mother's Day crafts and gift (the cutest single purple and white flower in a decorated pot with butterflies on the side with wings made of Farrah's fingerprints) from Farrah through the daycare, and let me just say - I may never, ever be able to express the amount of gratitude and appreciation I feel when receiving something made by my child to me after all the times I watched my stepchildren make thing after thing for their mother and father, and it was so dear and special, and I had only wished each time that those things were made with me in mind.



The truth is, Kaden and Kylie taught me how to be a mother.  Without knowing it and without it happening so naturally as it does for moms, I became a mother to them through the years.  They never called me mom, but they do now for Farrah's sake, and sometimes I wish feelings could be seen, because it really means something special deep inside that I know they will never know.  I've said so many prayers for them, I have many hopes for them, I've watched them learn and grow, and I've laid in bed countless nights with them weighing on my mind.  I've hurt for them and I've been so proud of them.  I've laughed with them and worried about them.  They are molded into my life, and they are mine.  They may not my biological children and I am not their birth mother, but they are my stepchildren and I am their stepmom.

Although, no matter how much my heart feels about them and the fact that I learned motherhood from them, Mother's Day always comes as a reminder that I am not their "real" mom by the fact that they will always spend that day with their mother, as they should.  With the holiday this year falling on our weekend, it feels even more of a tear as they will be taken away from our limited time with them to celebrate a holiday that I wish I was celebrating with them, because they are two-thirds of our clan, over half of what makes me a mom on Mother's Day and every day. 

This year I actually had to stop for a moment and remind myself to be thankful for what I do have.  I have two great stepchildren, who have always allowed me to be the stepmom in their lives, and a little daughter who officially gave me the title "Mom" that I've felt deserving of for so long.  I am finally recognized as a mom, I am called a mom, and I feel like a mom.  I get the things made for me.  There is now an aspect of my mothering where I don't have to suppress my natural opinions and thoughts in order to not overstep my boundaries.  I have information provided to me about my child.  I get a final say, alongside her father, of course.  Maybe it's still a little surreal to me.  It is, in fact, only my second Mother's Day that I have a child with me to celebrate on Mother's Day.

I am thankful for Kaden and for Kylie.  I am thankful that I get to be a mom to them in our home and in their hearts.  I am glad that I can tell them to trim their toenails or pick up their dirty socks.  I am glad they share stories with me and give me hugs.  Being a stepmother has honestly been one of the hardest things in my entire life, but I'm thankful I have Kaden and Kylie to be the ones I get to know and love through it.  I wish there was a Step Mother's Day.



I am thankful for Farrah for blessing me with feelings I didn't understand were possible.  I believe there is a different word we should be using for our children rather than love because I love Farrah way differently and deeper and more real than I love chocolate and soda and coffee and summertime and babies and Christmas...  I am thankful I get to be in the "mom club" now.

I am thankful for my Mother-In-Law who has always treated me with the utmost respect, and who has always made me feel welcomed and loved and appreciated.  I am thankful for her wisdom and patience and all of her mothering experience and stories.  And I am thankful for the grandmother she is, to Farrah and to Kaden and Kylie.  She loves them, and all of her grandchildren, with such a full and open heart and happiness.

I am thankful for my own mother, who I know hurt through tough times raising us, and who felt pain when we were sad or hurt or confused.  I know she worried and wished for different or better or perfect things for us, and I know she wanted to protect us from all bad and scary and big and unknown and unsafe.  I know she always put us first, or sometimes even only.  I know, without a doubt, how much I am loved by her.  And that mother's love, the "I'm not going anywhere" love, ahava, is what I will give to my children, because of her.

Happy Mother's Day to new mothers who are holding their little ones thanking God for someone to call their own, to mothers going through divorce who are feeling the pain of being torn from your children, to mothers who have lost their babies and miss them every single day, to mothers of teenagers who feel they are losing touch with a child who once needed nobody but you, to mothers of stepchildren who have to say goodbye on a day that you feel is about you, to mothers who are welcoming new children as their children marry someone they love, to mothers who are adjusting to an empty nest, to mothers of pets who know what it's like to wake up way before your alarm and clean up messes that aren't yours and feed mouths who are unable to thank you and yet you love their stinkin' face to the ends of this earth, and to every woman who considers herself a mother in one form or another.

My 2017 New Year's Resolutions

My 2017 New Year's Resolutions:

1. To Appear Like I Have My Sh*t Together

We'll see how long this one holds up, but you know those moms who appear to have their sh*t together?  Their clothes are all clean and wrinkle-free, they smell nice, their makeup looks great, their hair is cute and clean, they have a smile on their face, and they have one little purse or bag that has everything they need in it...no matter the number, age, gender, or mood of their children.  I'm not usually that mom.  I am dropping paci's, looking for Lambie, stuffing receipts back into my purse, and digging for hopefully one single penny for my daughter to put into the money slot at the checkout line.  I thought trying to have my sh*t together may be a little harder than just appearing like I do, so we'll start with that.

2. Fancy Up My Home 

I want to always update and decorate our home until we are happy everywhere we look, and I'm not to that point yet.  If I set goals, I'm more likely to get things done, rather than if I just generally decide to do something.  So, my first goal is to paint and decorate our Master Bathroom, and I'm really excited about it!

3. Thoroughly Embrace Motherhood

I've done a really great job so far with this.  As Farrah is getting older, her demands are changing, she hollars for me the moment I leave her side (she's the Stewie Griffin who hollars "Mama, Maaammma, Mom, Ma, Mama...), she knows exactly what she wants and needs it at that moment, i.e. play with the water in the sink, take the lid off the sippy cup so she can play with it, take off the baby doll's jammies, etc. etc. etc, I have to remember sometimes to get back into the mindset to stop worrying about the few dirty pots and pans that can wait to be washed and spend time with my daughter.

(Keane embracing fatherhood.  He swings her longer than he wants to swing her, she tosses her up more than he wants to toss her up, because she loves it and these are the moments that we'll miss the most.)

4. Master Anxiety

My goal is to stay on top of stress.  To not let it prevail.  If I begin to feel stressed because I really do want to wash the dishes in that moment, when the house keeps creating a mess of its own somehow, when my schedule seems to have me on the road more than at home or with my family, or when we are out of groceries and making a meal plan or a simple meal for that matter seems exhausting, I need to find a way to relax whether it is to take a hot bath, read a book, watch a movie, or have my own quiet time.

(perhaps some ice cream will do)

5. Increase my Prayer Life (Possibly Build a War Room)

I read the book and watched the movie War Room recently.  I have also been encouraged by my sister a lot to really improve my prayer life, and I have a lot of improvements that can be made from the mere bedtime prayers I try to pray each day.

6. Tap Into My Inner Child

I never want to lose my sense of wonder.  I am vowing to do some things that bring out the child-like laughter and spirit in me.  I want to go on an adventure, have a movie night in a fort, jump on a trampoline for hours, camp out on the trampoline, go for a bike ride, or perhaps go roller skating!

(a cute picture, just because)

7. Have At Least 6 Dates with My Husband

Once every other month, at the very least, is not too much to ask.  We really enjoy our time together.

8. Be Prepared for Holidays in Advance

It seems like each year, I am always telling myself that next year I want to be more prepared for the holidays, specifically Christmas and birthdays.  I can't handle last minute planning or shopping, and I want to have gifts purchased a month or more in advance.

9. Improve Work Attire

Simple, yet important.  I specifically need new work coats/jackets and hope that a little at a time, I can improve my collection of professional work attire.

10. Focus on the Happy

Sometimes life feels stressful, and I want to remember to focus on the good.  We oftentimes have to share holidays and weeks and weekends with the big kids going between our home and their moms, and we drive and arrive to their schooling, sports, or social events without them and/or leave without them, or we miss out on important things they aren't able to tell us right away or aren't sure how to, but I want to embrace what we do have: the times that we do have with them is special and we always make efforts to do fun things, have projects, work hard, earn money, make memories, play games, and have good quality family time.  I want to focus on those things.

 

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We celebrated my family's Christmas on Saturday (New Year's Eve).  I had a great time giving and receiving gifts (I got a letterboard, dustbuster, baked goods and a sleeping-bag style blanket made by my momma, a gift card, socks, and a toothbrush from my parents and brother, and a cocker spaniel ornament with Tanner's name and years engraved, a paid haircut and color, Glennon Doyle Melton's second book, and a makeup eraser from my sister and her family), enjoying a delicious and beautiful brunch hosted by my momma, and then some of us played the Escape Room board game (Kimberly gave to Kollin, and my parents gave to Kimberly!).  Then we ventured to our home to bring in the new year.  My brother spent the holiday with his girlfriend, Brooke, but then he joined us afterwards since we stayed up playing Cards Against Humanity until about 3:00am!  We shot off a potato gun after midnight, and we all hugged and clinked our glasses, and happily welcomed 2017.  Farrah even was awake to bring in the new year; however, McCoy feel asleep about 45 minutes before midnight.  

Birth Story of Me

For Mother's Day, I asked my mom to write out her birth story of having me.  So here she goes...

I was wanting to have another child, so I went off birth control pills in December so I could start planning.  I discovered I was pregnant within the next month.  (My sister found out she was pregnant two months after me.) 

Throughout my pregnancy, I did not have any morning sickness and no gestational diabetes.  I gained approximately 13 pounds my entire pregnancy, but I may have lost some “baby weight” from my first daughter, Kimberly, who would only be two years and two months old when Kristina was born.  My due date was September 12th.  When I started my “weekly visits” in the middle of August, I was dilated 1 cm.  My second weekly visit, I was dilated 2 cm.  Before my third weekly visit, I was awakened in the middle of the night with a contraction.  On my third weekly visit, I was dilated 3 cm.

My sister and I arranged our doctor appointments so we could travel together.   On September 9th, 1987, it was my turn to drive to the afternoon doctor’s appointment.  We did not have a vehicle with cruise control and I was just driving along and met a cop.  I didn’t think anything about it until I saw flashing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror.  I was pulled over.  The officer asked me if I knew why he pulled me over.  I said, “No.”  He said I was speeding.  I was on a 55 mph highway and I do not think I was going more than 10 mph over.  I know he saw my sister’s and my big bellies.  I told him we had a doctor’s appointment.  He gave me a speeding ticket anyway.

I was awakened during the night with another contraction a couple of days before.  So, when I was checked, I was dilated 4 cm.  The doctor said, “I don’t know what’s keeping her in there, but I am going to ‘strip your membranes.’”  I returned home and around 5:00 pm, I started feeling achy with lower back discomfort.  I never really had contractions, just mild tightening.  We made arrangements for Kimberly to stay with my sister and Gale and I headed up to the hospital around 7:00 pm just to get checked out.

I was checked and I had dilated a little more.  They had me walk the halls and put me on the monitor.  I did not dilate past 7 cm on my own; they had to break my water.  Around 6:30 am, they started a Pitocin drip and things started happening.

Gale and I took Child Birth Classes when I was pregnant with Kimberly.  Her delivery was complicated and we did not use anything we had learned with her.  But, Gale and I did remember enough and used what we had learned with Kristina.  I would focus on a spot on the wall when a contraction would start.  I would make my body relax, but was very aware of the tightness in my abdomen.  Gale was a great coach.  He would watch the monitor and when it was near the peak, he would tell me the contraction was almost over.  I knew I only had to endure the discomfort for less than a minute more.   There were times that the nurse would “check me” during a contraction.  She would have to hold my leg up and when she let go, my leg would just fall.  That’s how relaxed I would become.  She was very impressed with Gale’s coaching and my ability to relax.  She made a comment that she wished they could have videotaped our technique.

Kristina Kaye made her appearance at 7:53 am on Thursday, September 10th, and had a head full of beautiful dark hair.

2014

2014 was one of my best years! 

January//It started off with Keane asking for my hand in marriage! 

February//Kaden turned 10, we celebrated my father's birthday, and we celebrated Valentine's Day as an engaged couple!

March//Keane and Kylie went to a father/daughter dance, and we continued working on wedding planning.

April//We enjoyed spring weather with fishing, an Easter Day four wheeler ride, and mushroom hunting, my high school best friend's wedding, and Keane and I took a trip to Nashville!

May//We walked/ran in a 5K, had my bridal shower, attended another wedding, celebrated Mother's Day, and finished up our mushroom hunting (finding 326 this year)!

June//Celebrated Father's Day, my sister's birthday, and then, after the last six months of planning, Keane and I were wed!  It all turned out so perfectly, and I wouldn't change a thing. 

July//Enjoyed 4th of July and recovered from all the busyness of the wedding.

August//We went on a float trip and to a cave, wrapped up baseball/softball seasons with my brother's team winning the 13AA World Series, Kaden's kid-pitch team going undefeated, and Kylie's first year of kid-pitch.  Keane and I went to a grazing seminar, we got our new bedroom furniture set, and the kids went back to school: entering 3rd and 5th grades, and my brother his last year of junior high.

September//My 27th, and Keane's nephew's wedding.

October//My nephew turned 3 and brother turned 14, and we welcomed fall, and Halloween!  Also, Keane and I found out we are expecting!

November//Keane's 37th, my mother's birthday, deer hunting, and my cousin's wedding.  Also, we announced that we are expecting our baby!

December//Christmas.  Kylie turned 9.  And I started growing a small baby bump!

I cannot wait to see how much more wonderful 2015 will be with the anticipation of Baby and finally meeting this new loved one in June!  I know the sweet holidays that end the year will be the best yet, as we share them together as a family of five.

My New Year's Resolutions for 2014 were:

-Take a photo of the children, once a week, every week -- as inspired by Bluebird Vintage, and ask them a thought-provoking question. I dropped my phone and broke it terribly in June.  Half the time my camera does not work, and therefore I have lacked tremendously in the photo department.  I only made it 19 weeks.  Fail.

-Blog about stepmotherhood monthly. Fail.

-To get married! Married my loving husband on June 28, 2014.  Check!

-Stick to my newly created budget.  I itemized all of my spending in 2013.  I know what percentage I spent in each category.  In 2014, I will enforce a budget accordingly.  I continued to track my spending, but I failed at spending less where I wanted to.  However, the wedding was costly.

-To create more items to sell.  Or create a way to make passive income. I was almost there on this one.  I worked really hard on a business called  Bridal Bit.  I was so close to launching it and seeing it success.  But somewhere between wedding planning and needing a break from wedding planning, I lost my passion.

I'm so happy with my year in 2014.  All of it.  In 2015, I plan to enjoy pregnancy, meet my baby, get a new phone so I can take more photos again, keep up with my blogging (it keeps me feeling organized), and continue to love my family with my whole heart.  I had another resolution, but it slipped my mind (pregnancy brain, we will blame it on)!

On Turning 27

I've been living for 27 years...

7 leap years

9,862 days

27 birthday cakes

Each year changes me.  At each New Year, I try to set New Year's Resolutions, because it's fun and it's kind of what we are expected to do.  But on my most recent birthdays, I've set myself goals, ideas, that I hope to conquer in the next year of my life. 

26 was good great.  I got engaged and married!  Which means, I have been introduced to the real, grown-up world.  Not just the grown-up, out-of-the-home, making-money, and having-responsibilities world, but the I-now-have-a-family world.  I love it.  I love cleaning the dishes for my family better than I liked simply cleaning the dishes.  I am looking forward to planning the holidays for my family.  And lucky for me, my family consists of my handsome husband, and bam--two kids!  Already potty trained and shoe-tying kiddos (Although I did help them learn these things in the years past).  I am blessed.

So...27, what do you have in store for me?  Hopefully a new vehicle, and possibly, what was that?  A baby?  I also hope for a raise and the happiest marriage in all the land.  I want to pray more, go to church, and be the wife God wants me to be for my dear husband.  I want to create/expand my business and see it be fruitful.  One bite-size piece at a time.

Keane took me to dinner for my birthday, and then we rented two movies.  I love me a movie night, or better yet, two in a row.

The kids and Keane have something planned for my birthday on Sunday, so I am anxiously awaiting.  Last night, Kylie wrote me the sweetest birthday note.  It is a reminder of how lucky I am to have her and Kaden in my life.

Happy Late B-day

I <3 you Kristi

You are the best stepmom any little girl could ask for

You are not just my best stepmom

You are also my best stepmom friend in my words

You have been there for me ever since I was 2 years old

And whenever I was 2 and the days got longer I began to know you better

But nothing changed between us

We have hung out together for a long time

So never forget that I will always be your stepdaughter

And you will always be my stepmom!

Happy B-day

I <3 you