Letter to my 1-Year-Old

My Letter to My 1-Year-Old Daughter

Dearest Farrah,


Words will never be able to possibly express all the things I wish I could say.  So incredibly much has happened since my water broke in the wee hours of the morning one year ago.  From the sleepless newborn nights and constantly trying to listen for your sleeping breath, to listening to your outloud cackle when you crawl over me on the floor and feeling your fingers hold mine a little less tightly as you gained the security and independence you needed to take the first steps on your own, my heart has changed and grown so much.  I never quite knew just how much and how deeply parents love their children.  It kind of even hurts.  When you were so new, I had heard how quickly babies grown and I ached thinking about you growing too quickly, but there is not even a day that I have wished I did more.  I have thoroughly soaked in all of this motherhood and bond, and I absolutely love waking each day to you and watching each new thing you take on and tackle. 

Motherhood is hard, but it is beautiful.  I have learned how to just make it work, in all the worst and most inconvenience circumstances.  You learn to find a place to pull your vehicle over to get a dropped paci or toy.  When you're riding in the passenger seat, without thinking about how you'll fit, you climb over the seat into the back because your baby needs you.  Your body adapts to such little sleep and eventually all that sleep you used to need, is no longer a necessity.  As tired as you are some mornings, when you are forced to open your eyes and get out of bed, that little face looking at you is all worth it.

Some things I wish I would have known

Keane replaying the song on his guitar that he played hours before my water broke, beginning a string of monumental events, would make me cry that I felt from the bottom of my stomach

Lanolin stains your shirts

Pregnancy brain gets worse after you have the baby

You will crave more food after having the baby

You still bleed after a C section

Breastfed babies still need to be burped

You will get less and less sleep, and you will still function

The amount and strength of my love and admiration

That you'll eventually worry less and less about the little things

Just how much more you'll love the next stage