Do You Remember Me?

I was the little girl who cried when I had to crack open my purple see-through piggy bank to retrieve the money inside.  If I would have known the sting it would impact on my heart, I would have left the change inside, forever.  I took ants outside so my parents wouldn't squish them with their fingers (the little, tiny ants, people...not the big ones that would eat the tiny ones, yuck).  I giggled at mice when they poked their heads out from behind the desk in our kitchen and prayed that they wouldn't find the mouse traps.  I cried when I watched Bambi.


A little girl with a really big heart. 

I'm not that same girl anymore.  Life changes us, among adulthood, stress, fights, tragedies, forgiveness, maturity, responsibilities, work, finances, frustration...all of it really.  I have learned to keep it in -- it's safer and easier that way, when I handle it all on my own.  Even though that isn't what God has asked of us.  I'm supposed to lay it all at His feet.  But to wear my emotions on my sleeve -- I don't know how to do that anymore.

I don't want people to see my cry.  I don't want to put into words my deepest fears or concerns.  I like to go with the flow.  I like to make peace within my soul, and with the world around me.  Some of those things aren't worth making issues from.


But I do still have the same big, aching heart.


The tragedies that occur in our country, they hurt my heart.  I don't want to ignore them, because even if I don't turn on the news or listen to the stories of the broken, I know that the pain and troubles are still there.  But I also know that I cannot handle that much hurt in my heart.  So I try to avoid it and escape it by trying not to think about these things.


My heart drives me....it makes me care so much about the people in my life.  It makes me not want to hurt anyone.  And it causes me great sadness when things become unstable.


My parents and brother went to visit my sister and nephew, and a little 2.5 year old whispered to his papa, "Do you remember me?"  Papa whispered back, "Yes, I remember you."


The things that are worth making big are moments like these.  The little innocent hearts that are forever linked to ours.  The chances that we have to say, "I love you," to those we care about so much.  The laughter.  The smiles.  The pretty flowers.  The changes we make to better ourselves and our lives.  God and all that He provides to us, daily...and answered prayers.  I choose to live in happy thoughts.  I choose to love life and all that in entails.  And although there will come hardships and hurt, in my heart I have what it takes to endure.