Planning for Baby

Let's think nursery/bedroom for our two littles.

I am keeping the walls grey because I am not going to undertake any big tasks, especially with our basement remodel going on.  I will also keep the curtains and most of the decor which is white, gold, and pink floral.

Farrah keeps saying she wants her keep her bed, although she hardly seems to want to sleep in it.  Otherwise, I thought about us (Keane) building her a bed like this.



If Farrah keeps her bed, I am going to borrow/use/have the crib my parents have and paint it gold - like this.



I will keep the current dresser and chest-of-drawers.  I will consider painting them like I did last time, but ultimately choose not to because that, again, is a big undertaking that isn't quite necessary.

By the time the baby arrives, we will have moved all of, or most of, the play things to the new playroom downstairs so that will clear out some space in order to make room for the new baby's belongings.

The things I currently want for the new baby are:

-a new baby monitor
-a hospital gown/homecoming outfit (purchased this one in the sage "vintage floral")
-sheets (either white or most likely customized from Carousel Designs whenever she gets named)
-considering a Moses basket
-Aden and Anais swaddle blankets (Farrah sleeps with one of hers every day)
-perhaps a rocker glider, something bigger since I will likely be holding both kiddos sometimes, and less noisy
-a sound machine
-animal wall prints in wooden frames

Here is some color and decor inspiration:

Our Wild One

She likes Daddy's rock music.  She has never complimented me on my music but as soon as we get in Keane's truck and he plays some of his style of music, she says, I like this song.  I wish I could spell the way she talks - she almost does so in a sing-song way.  The tone of her voice really fluctuates as she speaks.  She likes to ask Why?  She constantly is asking Hu? What you say?  She uses the word maybe like when we were at the Baskett's for the Superbowl, they brought out their big labradoodle and Farrah said, He maybe get me.  She says actually a lot.  When we were discussing the color of peas and she wanted them to be a different color, she said I like red actually.  I would say her favorite color currently is blue, and her favorite animal is a dog.  She calls us Mom and Dad a lot, but not exclusively.  She likes to chew gum.  She is very choosy with her pajamas at night and has to tell me which ones she wants to wear.  She says she doesn't like my boobies - that they are yucky.  The other night she whispered, Mommy, can you cover up your boobies so that I not have to touch them?  I had a shirt on but I had to cover them in enough covers that she couldn't notice them.  But last night she did tell me, I kind of like your boobies, Momma. But I not like them a lot.  She's learned some things from watching Peppa Pig a lot.  Some things like she wants to jump in muddy puddles and things like saying Ugck!  That's 'gusting!  She can also be so sweet.  She says, I love you soooo much in the whole world!

Keane says she's going to be our wild one.  There's no doubt about that.

She is pretty much completely potty trained.  I still put a diaper on her in long car rides and when she sleeps, but she has been pooping in the potty for about 3 weeks now.  I usually pick her up and dance and spin around the bathroom afterwards singing, "Farrah pooped in the potty!"  She loves the praise, and I love not dealing with poopy diapers -- for the time being of course.

We started a bad, bad thing. She started going through what I'm going to call a sleep regression.  I was spending far too much time trying to get her to go to sleep at night.  I would usually put her jammas on, she would brush her teeth, tell everyone good night, I would read her some books, and then rock her at her request, and she typically fell asleep fairly quickly, after a little chitchatting.  But when I would move her to her bed, she would awaken and ask that I not leave and that I pat her butt.  Then she just would not fall asleep.  She'd lay quietly and ever so often roll over, but when it was time for me to leave the bedroom, she would freak out.  Or she would cry and follow soon after.  And after all the time I just spent trying to do it all the right way, I didn't have a lot more time left in the evening.  No time to relax.  No time to spend with my husband - by this time he would usually be asleep or aggravated.  No time for a relaxing bath or hot shower.  No bedtime snack.

So we started to let her lay in Mommy-Daddy's bed while we wind down for the evening.  That way we could watch our show (Shameless), and she started falling asleep rather quickly.  I was to the point of wanting or needing more rest and sleep and sanity and time with my husband, so this was the better of the two options.

I typically take her back to her bed once I wake up after falling asleep, but around 4:00 a.m. give or take an hour, we hear her bedroom door open and slam shut, and soon thereafter she appears by my bedside, holding Lambie, Piggy, and blanket, and she waits for me to pick her up and lay her again by my side, and maybe after a few whispers, we're all back to sleep again.

This is getting us nowhere.  It is making me uncomfortable, squished, and sometimes irritable, especially being pregnant.  But I don't know how to reverse it.  I don't know how to get her to fall asleep in her bed again.  Do I rearrange her room again?  Do I force her and let her cry herself to sleep which I am currently refusing to do?  Do I spend an hour each evening working to get her to sleep?  Will she decide to sleep in her own bed on her own one day?

25 Weeks - 105 days to go

I don't think my belly can get any bigger.  Keane asked how I still possibly have 16 weeks left.  He said I look like I could "calve" any day.  I totally agree.  I had my 24 week appointment yesterday (technically I was 24 weeks, 5 days) and my doctor said I'm measuring perfectly.  I weighed in at 134.2 lbs. (weight gain of 14.2 lbs).  I gained 6.8 since my previous appointment.  My blood pressure was 118/56 and the baby's heart rate was 138 and sounded healthy.  Nighttime leg cramps and heartburn are here and I'm trying to ignore the recent urges to move my legs...that RLS is no fun, and I'm still experiencing quite a few Braxton Hicks contractions.  In four weeks I go back and do my glucose test!

 (24 weeks)
 (25 weeks)



The messy belly syndrome has begun.  I didn't even realize this happened.  I think it's was my hot chocolate!

Farrah always wants to buy things for "new baby" and talks about her a lot.  She says she doesn't want me to hold the new baby, though -- wish me luck.  She had a confirmed case (without the actual test) of influenza last week.  Wednesday night she came down with a really high fever (103 on the forehead and 102 in the ear).  I was able to get her right in to see her pediatrician Thursday morning and was told she's the perfect poster child for influenza.  They are seeing it so much they aren't even testing for it at this point, so we don't know if it was the A or B strand.  They gave her the off-brand of Tamiflu and sent her on her way.  I kept giving her Ibuprofen and Tylenol every 3 hours until her fever left Friday evening.  I was exhausted and she was crabby, but we made it through.  And I have finally overcame my three-week long miserable cold as well - hallelujah!

We still do not have a name decided on.  My top favorites have been Nova, Birdie, and Scarlet.  Some others that have been moved to the rejected-by-Keane list are Indie, Georgia, Jorgie, Noelle, and Maisie.  The only name we both like currently is Ely (pronounced Ee-Lee).  It is Keane's maternal grandmother's maiden name.  A middle name is yet another thing.  Ely Kaye?  Ely Joy?  Ely Rae?  Ely something-entirely-different?

I don't know if I could love Farrah any more than I do right now.  If it just keeps getting better from here then I'm in for a real lucky treat.  She is such a talker right now.  She talks nonstop, has so much to say, so many ideas, and so many requests.  Last night she was laying next to me in bed (the new normal for our bedtime routine), and she whispers, "Momma, last time...I saw Santa Clause, at your work, and he gave me a wittle Santa Clause."  She loves playing with her Peppa Pig house and characters, in her kitchen preparing food for all of us and her babies (all named Baby Lunden or Baby Alexandah), with play-dough, and playing beeper aka store with her cash register -- but if you play, you have to be the mommy and you have to bring your baby in the stroller, and sometimes she'll ask to hold your baby while she's beeping your items.

Our basement...downstairs now has all the electric and lights ran and all of the drywall up and it is currently in the process of being taped and mudded!  It's pretty exciting (except the cost and spending, of course).

20 - 22 Weeks!

We are half-way there!  The weeks fly by so quickly, especially with the holidays that just passed.  I feel huge - and I'm definitely larger at 20 weeks than I was with Farrah, by about two weeks or so in my opinion.  I have a hard time catching my breath every once and awhile, and lately I've experienced a sharp pain in my inner thigh and hip that radiates into my back.  It was so bad the other night I could hardly walk.  It was better by morning but then it happened again a few days later.  I dread getting dressed and my wardrobe is very minimal right now.

I am feeling her kick especially when I lay down for the night.  I really enjoy this time.  My days are so hectic so for a brief moment each evening or when I first wake up in the morning, I get to think about and focus on the new baby girl.  I can begin to feel the kicks on the outside, but I also can tell when she is about to kick and where.  Nobody has had the opportunity to feel it themselves yet, except for Keane once.

We got to see our littlest one for her anatomy scan at my 20-week appointment.  Farrah was less impressed than I hoped she would be - and she was confused why her sister looked a little black on the sonogram.  But the baby looked great, although the ultrasound tech was terrible.  She was the same one I had previously in this pregnancy, and I even called to request someone else for this one.  My heart sank when she showed up at the door and called my name.  She didn't share the heart rate or the size of the baby.  I found out that my placenta is in the lower front on the right side and it wraps around my right side.  My doctor said that it won't be in the way for a c-section.

Of course there are a lot of things the tech needs to find and measure, but she doesn't give the parents a show at all.  Toward the end, I was beginning to get frustrated that she hadn't really shown us the baby at all.  I asked her if, when she was done, we could just watch the baby for a few minutes.  I'm glad I asked, because that was my favorite part.  We could see her long legs kicking my insides, and I could feel it each time!

At 22 weeks, we are nowhere near a name yet.  My favorite name is Nova and Keane suggested Grace.  I have been having some Braxton Hicks contractions that I know I didn't really have with Farrah.  It can be triggered from being sick or dehydrated, so I am drinking more water and I am also on the recovery from over a week long cough/cold that almost completely drug me down.

I don't have a lot of energy and I'm starting to desire to nest a little.  I really want to get the baby room ready, which really only consists of bringing in a crib to Farrah's room, and possibly some painting and redecorating, but it's such a small room that I don't think there's any reason to crunch until closer to the due date.

We are still in the process of finishing our basement - the walls are all studded, all the water lines are switched to a newer Pex material, and the can lights have been hung.  Keane has to hang the remainder of the lights and run the electricity, and Andrew will then be back to hang sheet rock and mud.  Then we need to paint, have carpet installed, and hang doors and trim!  It's up to Kylie if she wants to move downstairs to the second bedroom down there or stay upstairs in her bigger bedroom for now.  If she moves downstairs, I will move Farrah to the bigger bedroom, and if Kylie stays upstairs, I will make the second downstairs bedroom a playroom for the girls and it will help clear out some space!

It's really neat to see how much the new baby looks like Farrah!  I'm getting more anxious to meet her, and I am really anxious to decide on a name for her.  I'm really looking forward to holding her, worrying less, and seeing how the family adjusts to fit just one more life in our lives.  

I have gained 10 lbs so far and the heartburn may be beginning.  Otherwise, my symptoms have been pretty minimal.  I feel her move quite often and Keane was able to feel her last night several times (22 weeks, 2 days).  

2018 Resolutions: Simplicity, Joy & Contentment

New Year's Resolutions are always fun to me.  I think it started when I was young and my parents had me and my sister write ourselves letters to open and read the following New Year's Eve.  It's fun to look back on where I was emotionally and personally a year ago.

This year, my goals are pretty simple.  They are to simplify.  To say no more.  To be still.  To do less.  To have more simplicity.

It derived from the fact that I am always on the go.  I was proud that I could finally go and Farrah would happily tag along and look forward to our many adventures, our multiple trips to several stores, and planning our days to fit in all the errands we possibly could in order to still get to our final destination in time, usually picking up the big kids from school or sports.

Christmas season got the best of me because we didn't have a lot of gift ideas going into it, so we were last-minute searching for, ordering online, and picking up at stores gifts for one and all.  It has also been tremendously cold the last couple of weeks and it is painful to go anywhere.  Plus, I'm now almost 21 weeks pregnant, with a 2 1/2 year old talkative and needy toddler, as well as two pre-teens who we proudly have much more now than we used to.

Regardless, I am exhausted.  Therefore, I am making the changes that I can.  There will still be weekly, if not daily, necessary and inevitable trips to be made, especially while the kids are in school, but I am reducing the number of times that I run to Dollar General or Walmart or any other store to pick up a few things.  I am saying no to a lot of less important things that I was happy to say yes to previously, such as picking up donuts, saying hi to this friend or that friend, or whatever else I found to do.  I am cancelling our monthly P.A.T. meetings and I am simplifying.  I need more peace and solitude, at least for this season, and in preparation for the next.

I am meal planning and hoping to get groceries weekly or biweekly, and I am going to look into the grocery store pick-up options that I have been hearing about.  I am going to buy and spend less.  I am also not going to let this year's Christmas get the best of me.  I am going to plan ahead on all things upcoming (birthdays, holidays, vacation, baby, etc.), and keep myself sane.

I am going to hone in and embrace Simplicity, Joy, and Contentment.

Bring on this new year.

Now, to recap on how I did with last year's resolutions:


1. To Appear Like I Have My Sh*t Together - I think I did pretty good about that.  I don't feel like I'm falling apart each day and at every outing.  I've been able to bring less for Farrah, and I got my hair cut shorter and simpler, and my attire is quite small so I can easily choose an outfit that I'm satisfied with.

2. Fancy Up My Home - I have not tackled any projects that I had hoped to, although, a huge project has been undertook, beginning the day after Christmas -- our basement (or soon to be downstairs)!

3. Thoroughly Embrace Motherhood - I feel good about this.  Farrah wouldn't allow me to not embrace her every waking moment anyway, ha.

4. Master Anxiety - I still don't have any time to relax, so I've learned to manage or make-do, or take advantage when the big kids are there (which is more now than it was last year).  I ask them to help me more, and I do keep up with the laundry and dishes so I'm never feeling bogged down by the mundane chores.

5. Increase my Prayer Life (Possibly Build a War Room) - I pray the same as I always have.  I don't have a special room, or time set out to pray or be with Jesus, but I talk to him and pray to him often.

6. Tap Into My Inner Child - I sing loudly in the car with all the kids which makes them laugh, or dance at home.  I try to laugh a lot and sometimes sit and play with Farrah and her baby dolls and toys.  Keane and I went on a bike ride for our anniversary, and we went roller skating for McCoy's 6th birthday party!

7. Have At Least 6 Dates with My Husband - I doubt we have gone on 6 dates, sadly.  We have went on a couple, but usually we have at least Farrah with us.

8. Be Prepared for Holidays in Advance - I did decent until Christmas.  The big kids didn't have any requests and it was so hard to come up with ideas on my own for them or our families.  I. Need. To. Do. Better. At. This.

9. Improve Work Attire - In May, I got a new job with a business casual dress code, so I was able to decrease my work attire, honestly.  It's been nice.  I can dress up a little, or dress comfortably yet cute, and it is acceptable.

10. Focus on the Happy - I do the best I can.  This age of Farrah's has made me feel the most overwhelmed.  She talks, a lot, and wants, a lot.  She always wants someone to play with her, get her more milk, answer all her millions of questions, etc.  All the while, I am working part-time, cleaning the house, preparing meals, helping with the garden, helping (or simply joining) Keane on the farm when I can, doing all the pick-ups and drop-offs, running errands and grocery shopping, sometimes for Keane's parents as well, trying to keep up with the Brooks Farm finances, making sure everyone has clean clothes, bathing and feeding and dressing and entertaining Farrah, and still somewhat taking care of myself...and it all has become a lot.

I am happy and I think I exert happiness most of the time.  But when it's the end of the day and the family is asking that I bake cookies, sometimes I just want to hide away and tell them to never ask anything of me again.  I don't though, and I usually don't make the cookies that night either.  But I try to the next chance I get, or I'll make brownies instead.  I love my life and my family and I am so very thankful for all that we have.

It's A...

Our "gender reveal" was much different than before.  With Farrah, we paid a little extra money to have an earlier ultrasound to find out her gender.  We drove to the doctor's office unknowing and guessing, and left with thoughts of a baby girl joining our family.

This time, by the time we got in to see the doctor, we were already 12 weeks along, and the 8 weeks until our anatomy scan didn't seem that far away.  When I went home and told Keane we were offered the Progenity Verifi Test which tests for several chromosomal abnormalities, Keane wanted us to do it right away (not for the sake of finding out the gender, however, the gender chromosome is tested as well, so that is a perk of having this test done).

I went in as soon as possible to get my blood drawn and 9 days later, I received a call from my doctor.  She told me that everything on the test came back negative, and together we decided on a plan for the gender results.  I wanted Keane with me when we found out the news.  We decided that she would call me back and I wouldn't answer, and she would leave me a voicemail.  Keane was on the farm but I called him right away and he came home to listen to the anticipated message.  We both put in an earbud so Farrah wouldn't hear, and we listened: Hey!  It's Dr. Morse.  Just calling to let you know that you're having a girl.  Congratulations.  Bye.

That was that.  I quickly processed that I wouldn't ever have a son of my own, but happily accepted that I would have another girl whom we already had girl things for such as clothes and toys, and that Farrah would grow up with a sister nearly three years younger than her.

I wanted to come up with a creative way to tell the kids, so I went to Walmart, bought black balloons, different shades of pink paint, and a canvas.  I set it all up that evening and we woke the kids up early the next cold and frosty morning of Kylie's 12th birthday, and we all went outside so the kids could shoot their bow and arrows at the balloons.

After Kylie figured out she was holding her bow completely upside down, and that the release strap was not buckled, they finally shot at the canvas.  I think Kylie lost her arrow, but because the balloons weren't filled with quite enough paint, when Kaden knicked the first balloon, just a little paint was exposed.  They both looked closely and Kaden slightly disappointedly announced, "pink?"  

We are having another girl!  Our family now consists of 2 boys and 4 girls!  We are excited to meet you, new daughter.  You will fit in just perfectly.

Finding my Heart

Growing up, I always wanted 3 or 4 children.  I loved babies and wanted a bunch of my own.  When I met my husband, he had 2 children of his own.  I still wanted 2 more, yet he only wanted 1 more.  We got married with that number still not agreed upon, and soon after we decided to try for a baby.  After trying for two months, we found out we were pregnant.  I was ecstatic.  I could not wait to embrace and experience every. single. part. of pregnancy and birthing and motherhood.

I blogged about each step of the way and happily enjoyed watching my body grow and develop and grow a child.  We fairly easily decided on a name, Farrah Oakley, and I gave birth to her by C-section on June 14, 2015, because of her breech positioning, after having my water break nonetheless.  I stayed in the hospital for 3 nights with my perfect baby girl while it rained outside and I didn't want to be anywhere else.  All I wanted to do was to be there with her, nurse her, change her diapers, and hold her.

For two years, I was so very obsessed with her.  She has been my world.  The prettiest thing to me.  We made it through her first year and I kept track of every milestone, hurting a little inside as she grew from each stage to the next.  I hated packing away her baby clothes and moving her crib down lower when she started to stand.

Her second year was even better than the first.  She was my best friend.  She dreaded days I had to take her to daycare, and never wanted to leave my side.  She started to become more independent and would sometimes ask to go to the farm with Daddy or to play with her older brother and sister, but it didn't hurt because of the way she looked for me when she returned, and how she would tell me all about her adventures.  We painted our nails together and played baby dolls together.

I continued to think about having another baby, especially when people around me got pregnant or when people asked if we were going to have any more, but when my husband and I discussed it, it never was in our plans.  I would argue my side that I thought Farrah needed a close-in-age sibling to grow up with and go to school with, and that I didn't want to be a biological mother to only one due to the fact that he had multiple children before we were married.  I wanted to experience pregnancy again and have another birthing story, another child to call me mommy.  He argued that Farrah would be fine, we could spoil her and encourage her to be and do amazing things, that she already has a brother and a sister, we didn't want to prolong the ability to have time to ourselves when the children are grown, and that he was going to be an older father which he did not want to be.

Then, we found ourselves with the unexpected news of being pregnant again when Farrah was 2 years, 3 months old.

It's what I always thought I wanted, until it was here.  It's hard to put into words the feelings I experienced but I'll try.  I was devestated.  I was embarrased.  I felt ugly, and scared, and confused.

We were finally to a place where we had money saving in the bank.  We had just gotten through Farrah's rotten baby sleepless nights and car terrors, and we were able to have an awesome family vacation just months before.  We had just the right amount of space in the vehicle with Farrah's car seat in the middle seat and a big kid on each side (even though we have an entire third row usually unused).

We had recently rearranged our working schedules and Keane was working on the farm and I found a part-time office manager position fairly close to home and really close to the kids' school and Farrah's daycare, where I could work 3 days a week and spend extra time at home with my baby girl who refers to herself as "Mama, your baby..."  I was pretty sure I was going to have to work full-time for several years now and lose that time I got with Farrah and my husband and the bigger kids during the summer months.

I didn't have health insurance and the cash price for the doctor, labor, and delivery approximated to roughly $18,000.00.  We were two months away from having our basement finished, finally, and Keane really needed a new truck.  The frame of his was broken and the air conditioner no longer worked, and he certainly needed a reliable truck.

How were we going to make this work, financially and emotionally and physically?

I hated the feelings I felt inside.  More than anything, I hated that things were going to change for Farrah.  I have held her at such a high and precious place in my heart and life and I never, ever wanted that to change.  I did not ever want her to not be my baby.  I didn't ever want to have to share less time or express less love to her because I have to give it to another child.  I never, ever wanted to even imagine a single night that I don't put Farrah to sleep like I have every night.  I didn't feel like I had room in my heart for a baby.

I feared for my relationship with my husband whom I love and cherish more than anything in this world.  He felt betrayed and angry.  He has always admitted that he's not much on babies and he's a better father to them when they are two and older.  He dreaded the stress that babies cause, and he didn't want anything to make Farrah feel less important, to not feel like our baby girl, and to not get all the attention like she had thus far.

I wished so badly I could go through pregnancy secretly.  I dreaded the size I was going to grow to and the aches and pains associated with it.  I did not want to celebrate or have a baby shower or pick out names.  It just seemed entirely different this time around.  I guess because we weren't expecting it or planning for it.  Our minds have so much power over our emotions.

When I thought to the future at all, I ached.  I wanted to hide away but life wasn't letting me.  Keane looked at me and held me and said he didn't want us to do anything that we would regret for the rest of our lives.  He texted me that we are a big family.  But I felt that worries kept covering up any hope we gained.

I needed God and peace and comfort.  The day after finding out, I was at work and I received a text message from Farrah's daycare teacher, Emily, that read: "As we get ready for lunch I heard Farrah praying, so I asked her what she was praying for and she looked up and said 'I pray for Mama.'"

I started to look online at all the families that had 4 or more children and looked to see if they had smiles on their faces and I wanted to ask them all how they felt when they had their second or their last.  Everyone seemed to just do it.

Days passed and weeks passed.  We didn't talk about the pregnancy much which made it harder.  But eventually I started getting insurance figured out and we discussed daycare options and my belly began to grow.  It became reality and I starting talking to Farrah about what if a new baby came, and she really seemed to like the idea.  At first she didn't seem to like the idea of the baby growing in my belly or that I would hold the baby when it was home.  She mentioned things like Daddy holding the baby instead of me.

After awhile though, she kept saying things like, "Mommy, I excited for new baby to come home."  She was really excited to give it a paci and hold it.  These things soothed my heart more than maybe it should have.

At 16 weeks, I am happy to say I'm more comfortable with the idea of adding another human into our lives.  I am still weary about baby nights and breastfeeding with a toddler.  We plan to have the two littles share a room in the beginning and I'm slightly nervous about that.  I don't know if I need to trade in my Traverse for a van for easier access and more room for all the kids.  I'm not sure if we can afford me working part-time, and I know by this time next year we will need to find insurance for our family.  There are still some unknowns, but I do know we will love and care for this new baby like we do for Kaden, Kylie, and for Farrah.

Farrah likes to pretend she has a baby in her belly and asks to touch and kiss my belly at times.  We talk about the baby more and I have started a baby name list.  I am okay with the next 24 weeks or so taking their time, but I'll be ready to embrace our newest baby when it arrives.