Potty Training my Little

Potty training has begun!  I started it on a Wednesday, I bought her some big girl panties and we tried them on.  I watched the clock intently and took her potty 10 minutes after she drank anything and every 15 minutes after that.  She had two accidents and after the second she cried for her diaper on.  I wasn't sure that we were ready, but I was afraid she was giving up and I was uncertain if I should not push her and encourage even when she wasn't willing, or if I was supposed to let her decide.

We tried again the next day and spent the entire day running to the potty, usually for nothing to happen, and we had a couple accidents as well.  But we stuck it out the entire day.  I felt exhausted and overwhelmed and wasn't sure if we were making progress.  The following day, Friday, she went to daycare and they said she did great and kept letting them know when she had to go.  I had sent a sticker chart with 1/4 stickers, and she completed the chart at daycare!

On Saturday, Farrah spent the night with my parents while Keane and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary at an oyster bar in STL listening to a Blues Rock Band.  I had forgotten to take her potty ring she had been using, but surprisingly enough, she did so great using the regular potty chair.  She earned 6 stickers that evening!  She has been doing wonderful since, with only a handful of accidents. 

She is quick to let me know when she has to poopy again, which is how she says she needs to pee.  Yesterday, Sunday, she went poop in the potty for the first time, and she has a couple times since then.  A lot of the the other times she seems to time it when she has a diaper on, which I put on for car rides, sleeping, and when we go out to places in public.  Once she used the little toddler potty in the living room to go, and she said Kaden, Kylie, Daddy waiting Farrah's poopy come out as they sat on the couch and tried to mind their own business, ha.

She has been waking up dry in the mornings and after aps.  She likes to wipe and flush and tell her pee bye Farrah's pee pee...see ya later...next time!  We go potty a lot outside and she thinks that's great!  I have to give her the most credit for this potty training success.  She has done a lot of it on her own and I am so proud of her for it!  Stickers, stickers, and more stickers at our home!

Farrah's Purrr-fect 2nd Birthday Party

Farrah turned TWO.  I can't believe it.  I can when I look at her little toddler body with long legs, and when I hear all the words she is saying.  But then I can't believe our baby is not a baby any longer.  She's a toddler, and she's TWO! 

A cat themed party was in the works for months and I ordered her dress and requested cat cookies from my mom immediately.  The rest was all pulled together in the last couple weeks prior to her party.  I made a cat pinata from a diaper box, made a cat cake, and had cat-related snacks: kitty litter (granola w/ chocolate chips), tuna (tuna salad on crackers), goldfish (crackers in a fish bowl), and hair balls (rice crispy balls), and we served milk and water.

Farrah had come down with a fever Thursday night before her party and it didn't break until 3:00am on Saturday morning.  We decided to have her party anyway, and it was held at 3:00 p.m., right after her nap.  When she wok up, she wasn't quite ready for all the action.  She was snacking happily when I took her plate away and replaced it with the cake.  That made her mad.  Then everyone began singing Happy Birthday and that did not make her any happier.  The song almost faded to nothingness while everyone was holding back their laughter.  She wouldn't even blow out her candles which we had been practicing. 

She cheered up as soon as she started opening presents though!  She had asked for a baby and dog bones for her birthday.  Prior to her party, I was explaining to her that she was going to get presents and open them and see what was inside, and she asked, "dog bones in there?"  So Nana and Papa McCoy got her a new baby doll, and Grandma and Grandpa Brooks got her a Puppy Surprise (spotted like Doddie) and dog bones!  Nana and Papa also got her some bright pink cat sunglasses and sunglass case.  "Aunt Kimmy" and McCoy got her an outfit, a red tshirt dress, and a wooden house set with doors, doorbells, keys, and wooden dolls on each side.  Kollin and Brooke got her a diaper changing set for her new baby doll.  Aunt Kim got her a floral outfit, and Cousin Lee and his family gave her cash to buy her own gift.  We got her a baby stroller, shoes, and a new stainless steel sippy cup to try to keep her milk cold that we always take on the go.  We also gave her McCoy's old battery-powered 4-wheeler which she still has taken to.

The day before her birthday I just couldn't fathom that it was her last day of being 1.  Her being 1 was such a fun year.  Her first year of life was about milestones and surviving.  Her second year was about embracing and enjoying.  

On her actual birthday, Farrah and I picked up the big kids at 8:00am and went for donuts.  Farrah picked out a white sprinkle donut and never even ate it.  For a late lunch/early supper, after Keane finished getting the last of the beans in the ground, we all went to Teddy Joe's to celebrate her birthday.

Inevitable Change

Life definitely takes us on roads unimaginable.  There are certainly chapters of life that everyone experiences.  Change is inevitable, and it can be so good.  Yet, change is incredibly hard.  That may be why we remember our high school graduations so vividly.  The feeling of it all.  It may not be because we miss those days, but it's because it was during a time we were preparing for a huge change and shift of a life we had grown accustomed to.  It was time.  It was the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next.

Relationships, homes, locations, friends, jobs, clothing, furniture, styles -- certain things have a time and a place while you are growing and changing and finding yourself.

Then you enter adulthood and things become a little more steadfast.  You find a significant other to spend your life with.  You have children that change your life forever.  You build or buy a home that you intend to live in for a rather long time, if not forever.  You decide the lifestyle you want and you make choices and changes in order to make that happen.

I worked as a Legal Assistant and then Office Manager for a very well-established law firm for 5 1/2 years.  I learned a lot about the legal system, professionalization, and work ethics.  I became relied upon and respected in my position.  I was fully confident in any task thrown my way.

Since I started working there, my nephew was born, Keane and I got engaged, married, and had a child of our own, I went part-time, and recently Keane  decided to work on the family farm and say goodbye to his almost 10-year-term as an Engineering Manager at his latest employment.  Needless to say, a significant amount has changed since I began working there.  I grew so much and throughout that time and I met some wonderful people whom I will forever call friends.

I will always be grateful for the opportunity I was given to work there, the kindness my employer showed me, the people I met, the memories made, and the wonderful work environment that I considered my second home.  Saying goodbye was tough and was hard for me to comprehend and process.  I prayed about it and considered every aspect of the change.  With mine and Keane's goal being for me to work closer to home and to not have to commute two hours each (working) day by myself driving on the interstate and in the city, I believe this change was something I was supposed to do.

Rather than working an hour from home, I found a part-time opportunity 30 minutes from home, in the same community the big kids go to school and where Farrah's daycare is, as an Office Manager.  I believe I can handle the position effectively and I am hoping it suits the life change we have chosen.

Farewell to my position, my coworkers, my boss, my desk, and my time at The Copeland Law Firm.  It will all be missed.

Never to Forget these Times

My dear child, I can't wait to wake you up in the mornings, it's my favorite part of the day, though I let you sleep as long as possible, which is we don't have to go anywhere is normally around 9:00.  And then you keep me busy eating breakfast and playing (with your babies, in Farrah's kitchen, outside swinging or jumping or playing with bubbles) until your beloved nap time around noon which lasts 3 or so hours, which sometimes is my favorite part of the day.  Then I am always so excited to spend more time with you.  Waking you back up is my favorite part of the day, and stay busy far into the evening playing and doing and talking and going.  Then we try to cram in back, sometimes, and supper.  I make noises with each bite I'm feeding you, after you've eaten a couple bites on your own and announced that you're "all done" to make eating fun.  You eat all your food that way.  Then when it's bedtime, we rock.  That's after you've talked Daddy into watching "Roar" in our bed.  When we rock, it usually means we talk and talk and talk until I have to hush you and eventually ignore responding in hopes you'll get sleepy.  And then you, and "Farrah sleep in mommy's arms" like you always say, and it's my favorite part of the day.  You ask, "Mommy rock you hmmm" so I will hum and rock.

You usually have some milk, you always have Lambie, we usually begin with baby in her jammas but sometimes she gets heavy and we put her down, you sometimes have a blanket and your stuffed pig with a blanket.  You sleep wonderfully, except you talk in your sleep and you usually hollar and cry out, "noooo, daddy" or "mommy, stop it."  The other night I walked in to check on you and you sat up and said, "Kylie did it!" and you were telling Kaden to stop it in your sleep last night.

Our conversation the other night went like this.  I readjusted your head and kissed you nose and you said "ugga mugga."  We ugga mugga'd and you said "Farrah Mommy happy" (translation: Farrah makes Mommy happy).  Then you said "cheeky" as you rubbed your little fingers daintily along the edge of my face.

Your sentences are coming together.  "No, I try'ning."  "Farrah cry'ning."  "I see it too!"  "Mommy, whas is it?"  "Daddy, help you?"  "Mommy, hold you."  "Awww, so tute!"

You also said "Baby Lunden nink milk Baby Lunden Mommy boobies."

You know your colors.  Except you usually call red "green" which makes me wonder if you're color blind.  You count "2-5-6-7-8-9-10!"  You know "abc-wx-y-next time" and you still use your left hand
predominantly.  You love putting lotion on yourself and on us.  You love to draw.  You love to open and shut doors and tell us goodbye and then say, "Farrah here, everybody."

Anything you're trying to describe in small/quiet/short terms is "baby one."  When the radio is turned down, it's baby one.  When you want me to rock you slow, it's baby one.  When I'm trying to convince you to take a nap or bath and you want to take a short one, it's baby one.

Some of my favorite sayings:
Op-it // open it
Oh gosh // oh my gosh
Abe Charlie's house // daycare
Brush 'em // toothbrush
Strawbees // strawberries
Doobie // tickle

It's funny how much I realize what I say when I hear you say it, like the way I put sunscreen on your cheekies, and you told your baby doll, "Baby, hold on.  Farrah almost done."

Yes, the terrible two's have begun, you grunt at all people in public who try to speak to you, and those that don't, you usually holler out a "hi!"  But we'll make it through this stage just as we did the crying baby stage, and the same way we'll get through the upcoming attitudes and rebellion stages.  We love you so.

Happy Mother's Day

Mother's Day bears some difficult feelings for me this year.  Perhaps this year more than most because it's during a time of anticipation and adjustments and frustration.  Maybe it is because I've settled into the mom-groove, yet Farrah is too young to acknowledge it.  I did, however, receive some awesome Mother's Day crafts and gift (the cutest single purple and white flower in a decorated pot with butterflies on the side with wings made of Farrah's fingerprints) from Farrah through the daycare, and let me just say - I may never, ever be able to express the amount of gratitude and appreciation I feel when receiving something made by my child to me after all the times I watched my stepchildren make thing after thing for their mother and father, and it was so dear and special, and I had only wished each time that those things were made with me in mind.



The truth is, Kaden and Kylie taught me how to be a mother.  Without knowing it and without it happening so naturally as it does for moms, I became a mother to them through the years.  They never called me mom, but they do now for Farrah's sake, and sometimes I wish feelings could be seen, because it really means something special deep inside that I know they will never know.  I've said so many prayers for them, I have many hopes for them, I've watched them learn and grow, and I've laid in bed countless nights with them weighing on my mind.  I've hurt for them and I've been so proud of them.  I've laughed with them and worried about them.  They are molded into my life, and they are mine.  They may not my biological children and I am not their birth mother, but they are my stepchildren and I am their stepmom.

Although, no matter how much my heart feels about them and the fact that I learned motherhood from them, Mother's Day always comes as a reminder that I am not their "real" mom by the fact that they will always spend that day with their mother, as they should.  With the holiday this year falling on our weekend, it feels even more of a tear as they will be taken away from our limited time with them to celebrate a holiday that I wish I was celebrating with them, because they are two-thirds of our clan, over half of what makes me a mom on Mother's Day and every day. 

This year I actually had to stop for a moment and remind myself to be thankful for what I do have.  I have two great stepchildren, who have always allowed me to be the stepmom in their lives, and a little daughter who officially gave me the title "Mom" that I've felt deserving of for so long.  I am finally recognized as a mom, I am called a mom, and I feel like a mom.  I get the things made for me.  There is now an aspect of my mothering where I don't have to suppress my natural opinions and thoughts in order to not overstep my boundaries.  I have information provided to me about my child.  I get a final say, alongside her father, of course.  Maybe it's still a little surreal to me.  It is, in fact, only my second Mother's Day that I have a child with me to celebrate on Mother's Day.

I am thankful for Kaden and for Kylie.  I am thankful that I get to be a mom to them in our home and in their hearts.  I am glad that I can tell them to trim their toenails or pick up their dirty socks.  I am glad they share stories with me and give me hugs.  Being a stepmother has honestly been one of the hardest things in my entire life, but I'm thankful I have Kaden and Kylie to be the ones I get to know and love through it.  I wish there was a Step Mother's Day.



I am thankful for Farrah for blessing me with feelings I didn't understand were possible.  I believe there is a different word we should be using for our children rather than love because I love Farrah way differently and deeper and more real than I love chocolate and soda and coffee and summertime and babies and Christmas...  I am thankful I get to be in the "mom club" now.

I am thankful for my Mother-In-Law who has always treated me with the utmost respect, and who has always made me feel welcomed and loved and appreciated.  I am thankful for her wisdom and patience and all of her mothering experience and stories.  And I am thankful for the grandmother she is, to Farrah and to Kaden and Kylie.  She loves them, and all of her grandchildren, with such a full and open heart and happiness.

I am thankful for my own mother, who I know hurt through tough times raising us, and who felt pain when we were sad or hurt or confused.  I know she worried and wished for different or better or perfect things for us, and I know she wanted to protect us from all bad and scary and big and unknown and unsafe.  I know she always put us first, or sometimes even only.  I know, without a doubt, how much I am loved by her.  And that mother's love, the "I'm not going anywhere" love, ahava, is what I will give to my children, because of her.

Happy Mother's Day to new mothers who are holding their little ones thanking God for someone to call their own, to mothers going through divorce who are feeling the pain of being torn from your children, to mothers who have lost their babies and miss them every single day, to mothers of teenagers who feel they are losing touch with a child who once needed nobody but you, to mothers of stepchildren who have to say goodbye on a day that you feel is about you, to mothers who are welcoming new children as their children marry someone they love, to mothers who are adjusting to an empty nest, to mothers of pets who know what it's like to wake up way before your alarm and clean up messes that aren't yours and feed mouths who are unable to thank you and yet you love their stinkin' face to the ends of this earth, and to every woman who considers herself a mother in one form or another.